Amaryllis
by LilacMist
Summary: Amaryllis is a flower, a beautiful flower. But it only lasts 7-10 weeks. To take care of it you must give it lots of love. To love it you must be around to take care of it. And to be around you must be commited. Just like Edward with Bella. God Bless You!
1. Eglantine Rose: wounds to heal

**~Authors Note~**

**I hope you enjoy this. I like it but I don't want my opinion I want other peoples opinions. I would love reviews. Don't worry about hurting my feelings with criticism because I want to know what you think about my stories. If I have enough good reviews I will keep writing this story. If not I will go on to a new one. Hopefully something better.**

**~LilacMist~**

**Broken**

"The courses of true love never did run smooth."

~William Shakespeare

The light broke through the small opening of the window capturing the last rays of sunlight with it. My eyes followed the light, dancing around the room and bouncing off the walls. My bedroom was splashed with a variety of colors and I could make out of my peripheral vision something sparkling. I turned my head just in time to see him position himself in my rocking chair. His god like complexion made it hard for me to breathe let alone walk in a straight line. His eyes were wide with shock and he looked at me like he had done something horribly wrong. I pulled myself up onto one elbow to get a better look at him. His position was rigid and his hands gripped the armrests as if he might shatter it into dust.

I was drained. Like I had run a marathon before going to sleep last night. I took the back of my hand and rubbed my eyes. Wetness. I hadn't cried last night. I know I hadn't. Nothing happened last night to cry about, in the sense of sadness anyway. I moved my eyes back toward his and the same regret was there in his eyes that I saw the day he came back to me (author's note: if you don't know what I am talking about read New Moon). The hole in my chest began to ache. I suddenly remembered. My dream last night had been so vivid like it was real. I don't understand how I forgot about it.

Edward and I were in the forest just behind the house. I remember the sun trying to make its way through to the forest floor. It was like it was trying to reach Edward's skin but I hardly paid attention. He spoke with perfect clemency not once regretting his choice of words.

"Bella you're not right for Me." his words tore through the hole in my chest, my body aching along with the pain. "This has carried on far too long and I am sorry."

How much this reminded me of last September, his words reached into the darkest of my times and pulled them out onto a nice clean slate for me to see. The pain I could feel was just as real as the pain I had felt for months on end.

His words brought me back to reality.

"Bella!" his was next to me in what seemed like less then a second.

A fresh torrent of tears covered my face and I grabbed my knees just like before and began gasping for air. Why did this have to happen? I had already given him enough pain but I added more and more each time. I was lucky to have him, but I was even luckier to have him at this moment. I couldn't control myself. The pain he left me with would probably never subdue but I could deal with it as long as I had him.

"E-Edward, I'm f-fine. I don't know w-what came over m-me." He squeezed me tighter and lay back against the pillow. I pressed my face against his chest and let myself cry until I couldn't take it anymore. It stopped and my breathing slowed as well. I looked up into his face but he wouldn't look at me. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling and I could see his lips moving but too low for me to hear.

"What are you saying?" I looked questioningly at him but I didn't get a reply.

When I had counted past one hundred and thirty, or something like that, I pulled myself up to kiss him on his nose. He turned away and kept moving his lips in perfect synchronization. His reaction had set my water works off again. I could feel the tears roll off my cheeks and he turned to look at me. His expression was apologetic and I could tell he wanted to say more than sorry. He would give me the world if that could make up for what he did to me last September, but he knew that even though I could forgive him he would never be able to forgive himself.

"I'm so sorry Bella. More than you can ever imagine." He squeezed me tighter into his chest and began humming my lullaby. Before long my lullaby came to an end and so did my consciousness.

**Never**

"When love is not madness, it is not love."

~Pedro Calderon de la Barca

"Edward!" I shot up out of bed like a rocket my blankets all strewn to the floor. Again the water works came down like a waterfall and it became harder to breath. The hole in my chest ripped to pieces and I wrapped my arms around my legs, my head against my knees. This would never get any better. The nightmare flooded my mind every night and I knew it upset Edward. Not with me but with himself for leaving me. That was his only regret. Well, probably not his only regret, just the one he worried about right now. It was hard for him to leave me but I made him promise to a least change into a different pair of clothes. What would the neighbors think if he left with the same outfit on? But I'm sure the neighbors don't even know that Edward stays the night, let alone Charlie. I started to feel much better. The crying slowed to a complete stop and I felt basically the same as any other morning. I began to search my room for Edward not knowing why he hadn't come to my rescue when I had yelled his name.

My room was filled with the light coming through my open window. Open window. Edward must have left to change clothes because if he was here I would have been in his arms. Clothes scattered the floor along with my books. Edward. The desk spotted with CDs that hadn't yet been opened. I pulled myself off the bed and plopped down to get up and take a shower. I immediately fell back down, the bed creaking with the weight of my body. I could wait until Edward got back. He would be here in less than two minutes I was for sure and then I would take a shower. Give myself time to really wake up.

I felt his arms wrap around me and I immediately pulled myself closer to his cold, stone body. I could have laid here forever in his arms. Never eating, never sleeping. I could get used to that, as long as Edward was included. But he didn't want me to be damned to the same fate as him. So he thought. But I knew he was wrong. God wouldn't let such a man as good as Edward go to hell. God would save him a place in heaven.

I pictured the golden gates sitting on a cover of puffy white clouds. Spread across the top of the gate was a sign that said "Welcome Edward! Heaven awaits you." The only thing that was missing from this picture was my name. How would I live in this world without Edward? I would find a way to come with him to this happy place, because heaven doesn't exist if Edward's not there.

His face was nestled into my hair and I could feel his breath on my neck. It smelled of honey suckle and lavender, but with a hint of cinnamon. Oh, how his scent made me weak. My eyes rolled in the back of my head and my breathing became heavy.

"Tell me what you're thinking?" he lifted his head up and our gazes met. He looked at me through his long lashes and I could tell he was doing his best to dazzle me. It wasn't going to work though. I wasn't going to fall for his charm or his face. Too late.

I stuttered, "W-well, I was picturing us in heaven together. Actually, it was just you. I hadn't made it yet." Dammit, why did Edward have to dazzle me like that? I could barely get a decent response out of myself. His expression didn't change. He sat there still as stone and thought. I guess. I really couldn't be sure of myself though. I waited for what seemed like forever when his voice broke the silence.

"Bella, I-I just don't think that...." I had never seen him try so hard to explain himself before. This was unlike Edward. My Edward. Oh, I like the way that sounded. I could get used to it. But before I could think anything else his face was suddenly serious.

"Please, understand what I am saying Bella. I don't believe that I have a place in heaven. That just isn't going to happen for me. Do you understand?" His voice was rough and it broke through my concealed rage. I couldn't take this crap from him anymore. Did he want to be with me or was he saying that to make me understand that he didn't want me in the afterlife. Or even now for that matter.

"Edward I want to know something and don't be afraid to hurt my feelings, just answer it with the truth, please." My voice broke and I knew it would take all I had to keep from crying. He looked at me questioningly and I took that as a sign to keep going.

"Do you want me? Do you love me?" Again, the water works betrayed me and they fell down my face. How could they betray me at a time like this? I had wanted to pretend to be strong for Edward but now he saw through my little facade.

"Bella, don't think for one second that I don't love you." His hand reached up to wipe the tears away from under my eyes. "You are the only one I have ever loved and I will always love you. I will always want you. Don't you ever think that. Not today, not two months from now, never."

His hands cupped under my arms and I felt him lift me up and lay me on his chest. He laid one of his hands on the side of my face and used his free hand to trace the contour of my lips. He tilted my head backwards and pressed his lips lightly to my neck.


	2. Purple Lilac: Love

Understanding

"When love is not madness, it is not love."

~Pedro Calderon de la Barca

It was still dark when I woke up. There was no light, no warmth or sunshine, to help my eyes around the room. I could feel cold, stone arms wrapped around me. He hadn't left. He must have been afraid to leave me incase my hormonal break down started again, which I'm sure it would, because it happened every night. What time was it? I sat myself up and steadied myself, making sure the waterworks weren't going to start.

"It's one thirty, you've slept for over twenty-four hours, love." sometimes it was like he could read my mind.

Oh! Edward pressed me down against the bed and pulled me closer to his chest. He nuzzled his face in my hair and inhaled. Something was wrong here, or maybe just right. One hand caressed my back while the other toyed with my hair. I held back a giggle. It was like I was his personal little toy. So fragile I could break and if and when I broke he could just throw me away. No, no more thinking these things. He loves me, he said it himself just yesterday.

"What are you thinking, I hate not knowing." he pressed his lips to the edge of my cheek bone and exhaled. Um... nothing of coherency I thought.

"You don't want to know, and I won't tell you either." If I had been standing up I would have put my foot down. No more crossing the line Edward.

"You drive me insane." he rolled his eyes, what a drama queen. I held back another laugh. "You're laughing at me aren't you?"

"That's what I'm here for." only answering his first statement.

He rested his head back on his arm and closed his eyes. Was he sleepy which I doubt was very likely since he never slept, or was he just giving up on trying to get me to tell him what I was thinking?

"Edward what are you thinking?" I knew he wouldn't answer but I wanted to ask anyway.

He lifted his head, his expression looked like a dear in the headlights. "And I thought you didn't like double standards?"

"I don't" but I really want to ask you this question is what I wanted to say. His expression became worried and then concerned.

Bella, are you okay?" I knew what he really meant though and it was absurd that he had to ask. I tried to talk but a lump in my throat got in the way. Please no more waterworks, I can't break down again.

"I love you with all my heart." The tears came and I pressed my head into Edward's chest crying harder. My voice mumbled but I didn't want him to see my expression.

"I'm sorry I am acting this way, I love you, no matter what I do, no matter what I see, I will always love you!" and then before I knew what hit me I was unconscious.

Our Kisses

Never close your lips to those whom you have opened your heart.

~Charles Dickens

Edward's POV

She pressed her face against my chest and all I knew to do was sooth her but how. I kept hurting her again and again and all she does is forgive me. Her life is wound into a single thread. Every time I hurt her, her string stretches threatening to grow weaker with each tear. I couldn't leave her but I couldn't stand here and watch her suffer because of me.

"I'm sorry I am acting this way, I love you, no matter what I do, no matter what I see, I will always love you!" I could here her heart beat slowing and see her eyelids close. She had slipped into unconsciousness.

She slept again, for another five hours, how could the girl sleep that long. Oh wait, I know because of me. Leaving her was the worst mistake I had made in my entire life, my entire existence. And I didn't want to exist anymore. Watching her toss and turn at night crying in her sleep. Whispering the words "Edward please don't leave". That was all enough to make a man go insane, which I was. Each time I hurt her the more I creeped into insanity.

At 6:45 she woke, stretching her body out across the small twin bed. How fragile she was, looking like a small lamb in the arms of a lion. I hated the lion. The lamb was always in danger, always on the run because of the lion. But I was the lion and could never forget that. I had her on a string like a puppet, controlling her. And each time I hurt her there went one of the strings.

Bella climbed up on to my chest and pressed her head against my shoulder. She exhaled, her scent swirling around in my nostrils making it hard to form anything coherent at the moment. It wasn't hard for me anymore though. Since I lost Bella I had become accustom to her scent. She wrapped her arms around my neck and touched her lips to my ear.

"I love you." she seemed to have gotten over her bad mood which I was glad of.

I pushed her hair out from her eyes and grasped the sides of her face with both of my hands. Slowly, I pulled her face closer until our lips were just inches apart. She closed her eyes and her heart sped up. One of my favorite sounds in the world, second best to when she spoke my name. Hesitating, I lightly pressed my lips to hers. The taste of her scent lingered on my tongue and my hands pressed her tighter against my chest. Her lips, pressed against mine, sent an electric current through my body. I could have stayed like this forever kissing Bella but I was pushing it too far. Quickly, I gently pulled her face from mine.

She was breathing heavily, staring into my eyes as if she loved me. And she did love me. This brought a smile to my face. I had never loved anyone as much as I loved Bella. Matter of fact I had never loved anyone like this in my entire existence. I loved Carlisle, Esme, and my brothers and sisters, but nothing like this. I didn't believe anything so strong or so powerful existed until I met Bella. I could hear it in people's thoughts but never really felt it. Love. What a strong meaning for such a short word.

"I love you too." she smiled back at me and all I wanted to do at that moment was to hold her in my arms and kiss her. And that is exactly what I did.

"What brought this on?" she said gasping for air in between our kisses.

She is what brought this on. Leaving her changed my whole prospective of things and now that I had her back I was making up for all I had missed.

"You," I replied leaning my head back against my arms. She understood. Apparently she felt the same way because she began where we left off. It felt good to be back with her in my arms, and I would make sure that it would never change.


End file.
